Mercury's In Gatorade

And that Samsung oven's gotta go!

Housekeeping: What day is it? What year is it? Who am I? Who are you? What is this place, exactly?

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Mercury, patron god of gamblers, approves of this playlist roulette:

Russian roulette is not the same without a gun, and baby, when it’s love, if it’s not rough it isn’t fun.

Sigh.

Say what you want about astrology, but this fucking Mercury in retrograde stuff has been a royal pain in the ass this time around.

I’m doing my best to look at it as a giant broom sweeping out all the crap that was broken and needed to go anyway. But it hasn’t been gentle. Today the oven failed. I will say that I am glad it failed today, Wednesday, and in a non-catastrophic way, and not on Friday, when I’m cooking dinner for 7 guests, by blowing up or catching on fire. It was a Samsung. It was never that great to begin with, but I’m annoyed that it failed after a mere two and a half years of use.

Admittedly, I probably use my oven more heavily than 95% of people who might be reading this post. Anyone want to comment? I use the oven almost every single day, and often for extended periods of time, for example when I’m making bone broth. I’ll put it on 200F and just leave it for 12 hours in there simmering. Much easier than the stovetop method, but I think the chintzy little hyper-techie electronics they build into everything these days don’t like that kind of duty cycle.

Is there such a thing as a non-Internet-integrated stove out there these days? Could I find one to buy, please? I don’t want to be able to turn it on with my phone. I just want it to cook stuff.

Anyway, this is an annoyance but not an apocalypse, because I am a total badass. I realized that even reduced to a stovetop in terms of available heat sources for cooking, I can whip out a decent meal for a large number of guests and not break a sweat. In fact, I’m sort of looking forward to the challenge.

This is how you deal with Mercury in Gatorade. Just take the curveballs and sling them back like you’re a pro Jai Alai player. Turns out we purchased the extended warranty on the Samsung, so tomorrow morning I’ll find out what that actually means in terms of remedying this situation.

The god’s flavor preference, apparently, is Gatorlyte Strawberry Kiwi. I shall pour libations.

I went on the r/appliances subreddit to do a little investigation and they actually have “Samstung” flair, because it’s that common for their appliances to fail! Ha!

Mercury goes direct tomorrow morning around seven. I’m just gonna let it roll out, raise my morning mug of tea to the trickster god, and get in touch with the extended warranty office during business hours a little later…

*BRRRR* time’s up!